The ten biggest lies clients tell their agencies

1. We’re not like other companies. This, of course, in interchangeable with the old canard told by agencies, as in: "Hey, we're not like other shops". Except for your business model, the creatives you swap around with your competitors, and the fads you follow. 2. Our product sells itself. Right. This is basically what Scott McNealy used to believe. And Andy Grove, before the Japanese began scarfing up his lunch back in the '80s. 3. You guys are the experts. We count on your advice. So why don't you take it? 4. We see you guys as our partners, not our “vendors”. Jeeze, I'd hate like hell to see how you treat your vendors. 5. We’re interested in long-haul success more than immediate results. That's not what we heard your CEO say in his last teleconference with analysts who wanted to know why last quarter sucked. 6. Just bear with us awhile on this skimpy budget. If we can show the boss some results we can justify a bigger number next time. Like anybody other than pro athletes and certain CEOs have ever gotten more money to do the same thing they did for less money. 7. You can count on having the involvement/input/sponsorship of senior management, all the way. But smart money says you probably won't. 8. We’ve got a lot of new, breakthrough technology in the pipeline. Problem is, the pipe's longer than the one pumping oil down from the North Slope of Alaska and it's gonna be awhile before we actually see something popping out of this end. 9. We pride ourselves on really understanding the customer. That's why we can't understand why the morons just don't get it when we describe our irresistible value proposition. 10. We really value marketing. But we're tweaking, actually hacking and hewing, next year's budget, even as we speak. Coming soon: The Biggest Lies Agencies Tell Their Clients.